of thoughts in ebb and flow

Posts tagged ‘emotions’

Women and blogs – the Emotional Quotient

The other day in conversation with a friend the thread wound it’s way to `why do so many women use blogs to express their feelings’. I was unsure if it would stand up to statistical validation , that women more than men, use blogs as mirrors for their soul. But it was intriguing.
We had our individual theories of course .. but at dinner last nite .. the truth was revealed to me. an epiphany.. an `apple’ moment
Imagine if you will that you are me, at my dinner table last nite. There are three other actors in this scene. My mother-in-law, aged 65, seated on my left, (henceforward referred to as Jhansi Ki Rani aka JKR. Why Jhansi ki Rani you say? Well .. but that’s another story .. lets not get side tracked all right?), my ten year old son on my right – sniffling and coughing from a viral fever, my husband seated opposite me.

JKR: (and to get the full effect of her voice please understand she is a recently retired high school teacher used to spending most of her waking hours repeating the same instructions over and over again to successive classes of unwilling students. This gives her voice a certain … ahem…. character and a `repeat sentence’ sub-routine is activated a minimum of seven times. After all you have to get through to divisions A to G)

” SO you know at Port Blair the tour operator’s person Jog told us we would go to see the Jarawas and .. y’know, they don’t really look any different. I mean .. you know, other than that they did not have any (with a quick glance at my son) clothes on they were just the same as others… i don’t know WHY he made such a big deal of it…. that tour operator guy, what was his name .. i just told you.. ag Deepa.. kay naav mhatla mee? …haan.. Jog, tar to kay mhanaala …Arre.. where’s the toop … Can u just get it…. haan .. so Jog….”

 Son: Mamma .. i dont want to eat … my head is aching…. Aaaaattchoo…..
Me: Scrambling around… ” Where is your handkerchief, did i not just give it to you…. No you HAVE to eat ….Aai… no no dont have that .. it’s …”

 Hubby: ” Just spoke with Kedar .. he wants to discuss this new venture he is thinking of getting into.. you know the company he is with now is not serious about building the indian market, so he has this software which sits in the mobile and ….. anyways this friend of his wants him to take on the business development part since he has been in this network security field and has good connect with all the banks and telcos .. that will help .. and he’s sending us his business plan.. what do you think prima facie?”..
JKR cutting in,” You know in Chennai the Kumaran Silks shop ..”

Son: Can i have jam?

Me: No

Son: sugar?

Me: No

Son: Mamma I don’t want to eat……

Me: EAT .. you have to have antibiotics…

Hubby: ” Deepa . arre .. main tujhse baat kar raha hoon….Kedar ko Sunday bulaaon kya..”

JKR: “Were there any calls for me while i was away?…. Deepa … Deepa….is this FISH???…. Shee.eeee…”

Son: Mammaaaa.. I think I am going to puke…….

Phone rings…..

God.. I had forgotten completely about that Conf call ….SHIT…
And that was when, with everyone talking, all at once, at cross purposes… that the truth was revealed to me … women don’t WANT to use blogs . They are forced to.. because in the multiplicity of roles they are forced to assay they get lost somewhere.

Sure they have time, they have people they can talk with.. but they don’t have the SPACE to be themselves, undiluted. In between being mother, daughter, daughter in law, wife, girlfriend, sister, friend and the cacophony it invariably entails .. the blogsphere is the only space where there is silence, glorious silence .. and they can get a word in .. uninterrupted….. be the one and ONLY person that matters and to hell with others….

Feelings are all I am

I usually ignore `forwards’ but one last week really had me nodding in agreement. It was about this couple from the back of beyond and people they met wrote them off based on their appearance and then they … well that was not really what this is about. Coming back to the point ..it ended with `People forget what you said, they forget what you did, but they never forget how you made them feel’

The more I think about this the more it seems to me we are finally nothing but a set of feelings. We make snap judgments of people we meet based purely on how their words, actions or just their body language made us feel. Our goals, our ambitions are dictated by what makes us (or what we think will make us) feel good. When we blow away the dust on that box of memories what comes tumbling out is all those feelings… of elation, grief, disappointment, anger, contentment … attached, as it were, to people, places and events. But what wells up first and colors everything is the feeling.

I frequently find that when I remember something said to me and I struggle to remember `who’ said it, my mind says it is someone you are close to because you felt comfortable hearing it from him or it is someone you don’t quite know because you felt distrust… the feeling leads me to the person

We bought our home because we walked in and it `felt’ nice, I love the sound of whispering coconut palms and smell of raw mangoes and ripening jackfruit because it whisks me back to carefree summer holidays and the associated feelings of warmth, security and timelessness.

Businesses do this all the time -using our feelings to get us to act in a specific way. The deo that promises to make us feel handsome and irresistible, the donation that makes us feel good for helping a little orphan.. sometimes it is far more subtle..like when a hotel chain uses a particular fragrance in its premises that brings on associations of family and comfort to make us feel `at home’.

We choose our stores to shop at, restaurants to eat at all depending on how they make us feel. The person who said people who shop at WalMart do so because it makes them feel comfortable being themselves, that they are not being `judged’ is onto something.

We are nothing but a collection of feelings and the one who makes others feel good has the keys to open all doors!

Tag Cloud